Well of course with Mother's Day this weekend my thoughts are on all things "womanhood/motherhood".  That certainly brings my sweet mother to a bright focus in my mind.  I have such gratitude in my heart for her.  And I would be lying if I said I wasn't just giddy that I get to speak with my son face to face (thank you technology! I am in Florida, he is in France) this Sunday. He is my gift and one of the many miracles in my life, I am forever grateful for the blessing of experiencing motherhood.

But really I have had so many things going through my mind as I thought about this upcoming holiday; blessings, infertility, our expectations, trials, the influence of a woman.

I know that Mothers come in all shapes, forms, and sizes - some fathers take on the role of mothers, some grandparents, aunts, or amazing foster parents take on that role.  But today I am talking about women.  Women and their powerful influence on the world around them.

For me there is no greater purpose than that of womanhood and motherhood.  I am pretty sure early on I knew I wanted to be a mother more than anything else and everything I pursued was something that I felt would help me to be the best one I could.  I wanted to make sure that I had the best education that I could.  I wanted to know how to cook and bake.  I loved art and wanted to grow that talent.  I wanted to be like Mary Poppins and have an endless carpet bag to pull from. But then it didn't happen.  I gave it time and still nothing happened.  I worked with specialist and still nothing happened.  Honestly this was the most devastating experience in my life, my heart was broken.  I could not understand.  But for some wonderful reason I didn't feel like I completely needed to understand what was happening, just that I needed to continue to hope and embrace the peace and comfort my Heavenly Father was offering me.  My husband and I were eventually blessed with our beautiful baby boy and I thought that things would work out and I would have a house full of littles in no time.  That didn't happen for us. It was a one time deal.  That was hard for me some times (and I'm sure for my son, as I had no one else to share my focus.  Poor kid!). Yet I experienced the most amazing joy.

I am so amazed, empowered, blessed, and comforted by the women in my life.  Our influence can move the world.  When I can teach and share compassion - I change the world.  When I can teach and share kindness - I can change the world.  When I can reach out to someone in need - I can change the world.  When I can teach my son to respect himself and others - I can change the world.  When I choose to be silent and not say harsh words - I can change the world.  I am not weak.  I am not submissive.  I am certainly not passive.  I am a positive force for good - when I choose to be.  It is my choice to choose to be these things and it takes a great deal of self control and strength.  My mother, my grandmother, my sister, my nieces, my girl friends - they change the world around them everyday.  Most days we change it for the better!  I am forever grateful for the influence they have in my life and the love and courage they offer me.

Sometimes sadly we as women can be our worst enemy.  I have come to realize that what I expected of myself and what has played out are similar on some levels and very different on others.  I expect a lot out of myself - I sometimes wish I didn't, but I do.  I am trying to learn to re-evaluate those expectations.  And even better let some completely go.  I know I need to enjoy everyday for what it is and sometimes nothing more.  Not for what I accomplished (or what I didn't), but gratitude for the things I experienced that day. Gratitude - it can erase so many things.

So thank you to all the women out there who choose to influence the world around them for good not matter what title you go by, but for just being the best "you" you can.